So, my Mom and I were on a 5 year plus hiatus from talking. Not good. There was a lot of old wounds from childhood. There was feelings of not feeling safe. That all changed and I feel more respected now. It is a good thing. The bad thing is - it came back around due to health issues. She has had some pretty severe health diagnosis along with my stepfather along the same line of health issues. I missed them and NEVER in my heart did I want it the way it was. I am just glad we are back in business. Seems good to have her (them) visit and visit them too. There are few people that can make me laugh like they can at times. This turn of relations brought my brozilla back on board too- and he is another that can make me LOL. I missed that. I also have PTSDish symptoms at times as one doctor told me. I realized this, but questioned it.
I also since 19 or so have had some heavy diagnosis and health issues. I am a survivor and glad for it. What I did feel is very misunderstood. What I did feel was I was "laughed" at at times. People did stigmatize me. WE must end this practice. Even in movies, the media, (Like ME, MYSELF AND IRENE) I love Jim Carrey, yes, but the movie portrays a mental health issue, (schizophrenia) as multiple personality, when it is really (Dissociative Disorder) not schizophrenia. Just because a disability or health issue can't be seen, does not mean you are dead or- crazy- or even just that, a label. I am more than that. A musician. Father. Employee. A significant other. A real person with real feelings. But, I am not perfect either. None of us come with instruction manuals. Sometimes you just have to walk around with the "silent middle finger" as an ex once told me I did.
I also have been diagnosed with skin cancer years ago. I don't know a lot about it. I should ask some questions and or look this up more. I just don't want it to come back or have it again. Life is too short. Make friends, love and be loved. At least try. I used to be so called popular in high school. I did not let it go to my head, ever. I was the neutral guy. The one who tried to like everyone regardless of social status. After a diagnosis in health. I noticed people changed. Not all. I was always too open at times and not ready for the answers or repercussions, loss of potential friendships I ended up with. I just think they are missing out. Not me. I have some really good friends, good relationships, but at times it can still feel lonely. Can we all feel like that? In a crowd and still feel alone?
I don't know what life has in store for me. Time is flying by, the older you get, the faster it goes. It has been a long time since my father passed, maybe 5 years?? It seems like yesterday. I miss him. He was a man of few words, but when he talked you could barely understand his mumble anyway lol.
I am just glad things turned around for the better, better than ever.
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